How He Got Here.

Not surprisingly, this post has taken me three days to write/finish. I started this on Friday when he was 11 days old…

Wow, where have the past 11 days gone?

So in my previous couple of posts I talked about how I woke up Saturday, May 24^th feeling different and exhibiting some signs that perhaps something would be happening soon. Sunday the 25^th I woke up feeling somewhat better, but Monday the 26^th – Memorial Day, I was feeling more like I had on Saturday again. We spent about four hours hanging out with a friend late morning and into the afternoon. When we got home around 2pm I decided to lay down cause I was feeling so out of it. I fell asleep briefly, then started watching some TV when I woke up. I was feeling contractions and my husband found an app to keep track of them. They started out about 10 minutes apart and slowly started getting closer together. I stopped watching TV and decided it was time to update my blog, I had been meaning to do it all weekend and was determined to get it done before anything really started happening. As I was writing the blog post I had to take multiple breaks when a contraction came on. I tried to walk them off, breathe through them, got down on all fours a couple times, then jumped back on the computer after it subsided. My husband told me we were at the point that they were less than five minutes apart and lasting for close to a minute – if not longer and that the app was now telling him it was time to go to the hospital – NOW. I didn’t believe him. A minute is a long time and I just couldn’t believe they were actually lasting that long. So he decided it was time to call the doctor. He called and spoke to the midwife who was on call and after a minute handed me the phone to talk to her. She was no help at all (at that point, later I loved her), I was looking for someone to tell me YES, you are in labor, get in here, or NO, you’re fine stay there. Instead she told me it was up to us, we could come in if we wanted and they would check me out. For whatever reason, I had this fear that we would get there and they would tell us to go home, it would be a wasted trip and I would feel like an idiot. We ultimately decided we would start getting ready to head to the hospital, but we would take our time and continue to time my contractions.

I figured we had plenty of time, so I wanted to shower, grab something to eat and so on. Matt finished packing up his bag and was loading all our stuff into the car. I took a shower. When I got out of the shower I was standing there trying to decide if I had the energy to blow dry my hair… and then my water broke. Luckily, since I had literally just got out of the shower, I was on tile floor and had no clothes on! It startled me and then I started cracking up. Matt keeps telling everyone that he was downstairs getting things together when he heard “a splash, a shriek and then laughter.” At that point I was like, holy crap, this is really happening, I need to get moving. Needless to say I did not do my hair. I started moving as quickly as I could as the contractions were getting stronger and closer together. I wanted to finish up some leftover pizza that was in the fridge considering it was almost 8 o’clock, I hadn’t had dinner and I knew once we got to the hospital I wouldn’t be able to eat anything and it was likely to be a long night. I heated the pizza up in the microwave, took one bite and was like what am I doing? I can’t eat this, I feel like I’m going to die. Somehow I finished the one small slice and left the other sitting there as I started freaking out that we needed to leave NOW.

The car ride was excruciating. When we first got going I decided we needed some music to pump me up, after about 20 seconds I was like, no, I need silence! I was gripping on to the handle bar above the door like my life depended on it. I really felt like I was going to die and I feared that this was only the beginning. I think I only yelled at Matt once during the car ride, so I suppose that’s not too bad. We arrived at the hospital and he pulled the car right up to the door and helped me get inside to the receptionist. They asked me for my insurance card and ID and I basically threw them at the woman before collapsing over the desk. Meanwhile Matt is asking what he should do with the car. What kind of question is that? I looked at him and yelled, “GO PARK IT!” The receptionist apparently found this all very funny because she told my parents the whole story later haha. Matt left to move the car and someone came out to get me. She asked if I wanted to sit down, did I need a wheelchair? YES, PLEASE. She wheeled me back to a room and told me to change into a gown. Into the bathroom I went, where I was mortified to take my underwear off and find that I had already pooped my pants. Luckily it wasn’t very much and I had put a pad on when my water broke, so it wasn’t too much of a mess, but I was still so embarrassed. I told Matt about it when I came out of the bathroom and the one nurse said, if that’s the worst thing that happens today, you’re doing awesome. Haha. The midwife we had spoken to on the phone earlier came in and asked if she could check me, YES, PLEASE! I had said to Matt on the car ride over, if we don’t get there and find out I’m 9 ½ cm I think I’m going to die. Well, she checked me and guess what she said? 9 ½ cm. I yelled, thank you Jesus! I pleaded for drugs and was then reminded it was way too late for drugs. Um, WHAT? If I had been thinking logically I would have realized that, but obviously I was not thinking logically at the moment. So yeah, that sucked. As soon as I was on that bed I started getting the urge to push, so push we did. They kept telling me how I was doing so amazing and that this was the way to have your first baby! They said he would be here soon, just a few more pushes. They kept saying that, so finally I said, when is he coming? Soon, soon. I said, you keep saying that, but he’s not here! At one point I said, I just wanna go home! Later our nurse told me that was her favorite part haha. So anyway, we arrived at the hospital just after 8:30pm and he was here at 9:19pm. Unbelievable. The absolute most painful hour of my life, but obviously well worth it. The midwife actually asked Matt if he wanted to finish delivering him, he was caught completely off guard, but agreed and he then finished pulling our sweet baby out. They immediately brought him up and put him on my chest. It was so overwhelming and such a relief! I held him for a few minutes before the midwife asked me to push again to remove the placenta. I had actually thought about all that beforehand and worried about it. After the relief of pushing a baby out, would getting the placenta out be rough? Thankfully, no, that was by far the easiest part of the whole thing haha. One push and done. Matt cut the cord and our perfect little boy was officially here and ours.

Matt had called our parents and texted our close friends when my water broke and then sent another message right after he arrived.

My favorite picture from the hospital. ❤

Everyone was dumbfounded that he had arrived already. My parents, who live an hour and a half away from us had pretty much kicked everyone out at their Memorial Day picnic and jumped on the road to come out to us as soon as Matt called them. They were going to go straight to our house to spend the night and take care of our pup, again, assuming it would be a long night, but they ended up coming straight to the hospital, they arrived about an hour after he was born. It was a late night, but obviously a wonderful one. So much more to say, but I’ll stop here for now.

The past (just about) two weeks have been the hardest of my life, I’m exhausted, totally frustrated half of the time, sometimes feeling like super mom and sometimes feeling like a complete failure, but overall I wouldn’t change a thing. So in love with our little Lucas. More to come, if I can find a few spare minutes! Thank you so much to everyone who left messages of congratulations, they mean the world to me after this long journey!

30 weeks 2 days random updates.

So, in the grand scheme of things I guess 30 weeks isn’t a major milestone, but to me it sure feels like it is! I can’t believe I’m 30 weeks!! That number just feels so huge, we’re 3/4 of the way through this thing!

I had my latest OB appointment on Thursday, we are officially in the every two weeks window now, yay! First I got blood taken to check on my thyroid again, just got those results this morning, everything looks good and I can continue on the same dosage of Synthroid I’ve been taking the whole pregnancy. We then got to see my favorite doctor and she said everything looks great! Belly measuring perfectly, heartbeat perfect. I only gained like one pound since my previous appointment (three weeks prior), which I think is okay because at my last appointment I had gained like six, ha! We chatted for a couple minutes about random things, got her recommendations on pediatricians, got her opinion on the breastfeeding class I then signed up for, etc. She also gave us a folder of information including all kind of things about labor, kick counts and so on. I fear that the kick count thing will make me crazy, so I haven’t been taking it real serious. In the evenings as I’m relaxing I do try to count and haven’t had a problem. But this paper I got says to do it three different times a day, for a half an hour! I figure as long as I’m feeling him move regularly and do one count all should be well. Here’s hoping. After our appointment was over I then got my whooping cough vaccine. Ugh. Wasn’t bad at the time, but starting the next morning my arm was so sore! It’s only finally starting to feel better today!

Friday I was alone at work as everyone else was at a meeting in our other office. I took that quiet time to finally write my maternity leave letter. I showed it to my husband over the weekend and got his approval and I will be sending it before I leave today. Nothing super exciting, but atleast it will be done!

Dear [boss]:

As you are aware, I am approaching the end of my pregnancy. My due date is May 31, 2014. This letter is to formally request my twelve week maternity leave.

Assuming that everything continues to go smoothly, I would like to continue to work until I go into labor, or six days past my due date (June 6).

At this time, I plan to return to work around the beginning of September. Please let me know if you have any questions. Thank you for your support, I enjoy and value being a part of the [where I work] team!

Sincerely,

[me]

Yesterday a friend and I took a little bit of a road trip (almost three hour drive each way) to an event. It was a big competition of an activity/sport that I used to perform in and teach. First of all… let’s just say I will not be doing that much driving (or riding as the case was) for a while. It.was.rough. I was in a lot of pain on the drive out, luckily some Tylenol seemed to help. I’m really glad I went, but it was a long, exhausting, sometimes painful day. There will not be anymore of that for the next 10+ weeks ha. Anyway, getting to the real point of this story. Thanks to good old Facebook, I found out an old friend was also going to be at this event. She found me when we got there and we got to talk for a little bit. In the middle of our conversation she said, “Hey, I wanted to thank you for your video.” I thought she was talking about something completely different until she pointed at my belly. I was confused, but then knew she must be talking about our Facebook announcement video. She then told me that she just had a miscarriage. Instantly my heart broke, tears welled up in my eyes and I could see the pain all over her face. I told her I was so sorry and just hugged her. She told me the whole story of what had happened and that she had then gone and found my video to watch again. She said she told herself that if I could get through this, then she can too. She told me how strong I am and asked me how did I do it? How did I get through all this? I got so choked up and started crying as all the emotions from the past few years came back as I tried to comfort her. It was a scary thing, but again, I am so glad I decided to share our story for the world to know. I’m so glad that people in my life who are going through similar struggles know that we’re here for them. So if you’re the praying type, please say a prayer for my friend as she tries to come to peace at this sad time. ❤

 

My Thought Provoking Morning.

This morning, on my way to work, I was listening to our local Christian radio station. At the same time each morning they do a short segment (devotional-ish type thing) by a popular Christian speaker. I don’t remember all the details and won’t be able to put the ones I do remember as eloquently as she did, but this morning’s was about someone who had been through a lot. She spoke of a woman who had battled a chronic illness her whole life and then was diagnosed with brain cancer. She went on to explain that even through our hardships we can bless people – that it’s not all about us, but God’s bigger plan. This woman remained positive throughout her illnesses and through that affected and helped many people.

I was nowhere near positive the past couple years as we lived out the nightmare that infertility is, that’s for sure. But the message from this segment did make me think. I’m not sure if I shared this before or not, but shortly after we posted our Facebook announcement, a friend of mine, who is a pastor on the other side of the state we live in, messaged me and asked if he could show the video during his Christmas Eve services – that it was a perfect fit for the sermon he was working on. I told him yes, we would be honored. I meant to follow up with him about it, but with all the holiday madness I forgot. Just a little while ago this morning I got the following message from him.

Hi, I wanted to follow up with you on our Christmas Eve service. It was a great service with many new people. I lost count how many times I had to explain the “finally Prego” picture. We also had some moving experiences. One lady in her 80’s came up to me and said she couldn’t have children and in her day no one would talk about it and she thanked me for showing your video. 2 ladies came up crying afterwards and wanted me to thank you. It was a perfect way to talk about Christmas and the pain many people feel when we are all busy celebrating (as one woman put it) “babies falling from the sky to save us.” So thank you again. I didn’t get a video of the sermon but there is audio on my blog if you want to listen to it. www.divinecrash.com

This message made my day. When I posted that video I got a much bigger response than I had ever imagined. After a few days I discovered a negative reaction to the video and it really bummed me out. Since I was totally blindsided by how much attention the video got, I hadn’t considered something – that posting something so personal on the internet was inviting criticism in. All in all, one negative response compared to the 200 positive ones I got isn’t so bad. And more than that, if God used us and that video to positively impact one person, it was all worth it.

The Twelfth Week.

So, this is a big week. A big, scary week! I know everyone seems to consider the end of the first trimester something different – is it the 12 week mark? 13? 14? I guess according to my RE and my acupuncturist it’s 12. As of today I am 11 weeks 5 days and I am coming to the end of my last week of taking Metformin, doing progesterone suppositories and also acupuncture! I’m thrilled about all these things, but scared to death too. Stopping all these things, all at once – am I ready for this? Is my body ready for this? Is baby ready for this? Saturday is a big day and I’m so nervous!

It’s been 10 days since my last ultrasound. I know that’s not a long time, but it feels like an eternity after having 5 ultrasounds over a 6 week period. And after reading this post by Kimberly over at No Good Eggs last night, I’m really starting to freak out again. I am just so heartbroken for her friend and it’s so scary and sad to see what I fear everyday play out in real life for someone. I am SO anxious for our first trimester screening. I was really hoping it would get scheduled for sometime next week – so it would be exactly half way between my November and December OB appointments. No such luck, I have to wait another entire week. The screening is scheduled for Tuesday, November 26th at 2pm. 12 days, ahhhh I don’t know if I’m gonna make it!

There was a vendor boutique at our church Tuesday evening that we attended and I found this and had to have it.

When I look at this it calms me down – for a moment atleast. I’m trying so hard to relax, stay calm and just trust. But it’s so hard when you’ve waited so long for something you’ve wanted so bad, and you know it could all be taken away at any moment.

My last acupuncture appointment is today at 2pm. Wish me luck. Here’s hoping she tells me that on her end everything looks awesome and I’m ready for this!

Update Part 1.

Okay, so, I keep putting off my big, long update on what’s been going on while I’ve been MIA. I’ve been working on a long post that explains everything in much more detail, but I keep avoiding finishing it. So I’m just gonna go for it and put this out there now while I have the courage.

I’m pregnant.

I still can’t believe those words. It’s still hard to type those words. At first, I just hadn’t updated because I really was super busy and life was just insane. And then… we went back to the doctor after a five month break and… here we are, after our first cycle back! So then I didn’t update because, well, there are like three people in my life who know about this blog and of course I wanted to tell them in person and not have them read it here! And then they all knew and I still didn’t update because… I’m crazy. I am terrified of jinxing this whole thing. And I know how absolutely ridiculous that whole notion is, but I just can’t help it.

So yeah, there it is… I’m pregnant! 10 weeks and 2 days today. I’ve spent most of the last 6 weeks freaking out and being beyond terrified that something is going to go wrong, but I’m trying to chill out and just enjoy it. I’ve had three ultrasounds the past three Mondays (including today) and everything has been fine each time. So I’m slowly starting to calm down, although I don’t think it will happen completely until there’s a baby in my arms… and then a whole new set of fears will start haha.

Anyway, so there’s my short update. More to come, but for now there it is. I would greatly appreciate any prayers and good thoughts you can send my way! And now I’ll leave you with a few photos…

What I texted DH after getting the news.

 

Part of our little photo shoot

 

Always our first baby

 

 

 

One Down One to Go.

Well, I’m back from one vacation and about to leave for the next!

I survived my working vacation at camp last week. I not only survived the week, but actually had an AMAZING time. The week was incredible in so many ways, God is SO good! I had the time of my life, which hasn’t happened for several years, as we’ve been going through some growing pains there. My stress levels were low all week, thank you for all your positive thoughts and prayers! And as for my birthday… turned out to be not quite as depressing as I anticipated. My plea to ignore the whole thing was ignored by 4 of my favorite teenage boys, who got up early that morning to decorate for me. Although I wanted to forget the entire thing… it was very sweet of them and it did make me feel very loved. They’re such sweethearts. I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last week and I didn’t run throughout the week like I was hoping to, but I was able to remember to take my temperature each morning, take all of my medications all week, as well as my herbs from acupuncture and I even managed to do my acupuncture “homework”/meditation a few times. Most importantly, I spent the week not focused on all this infertility crap (other than when taking my temperature and swallowing pills anyway)! I had a whole 9 days focused on the awesome kids I was surrounded by and growing closer to our God! I’m very sad camp is over. Counting down to next year already!

I do want to share one story from my week at camp. One evening, one of the high school girls, who was not even in my room, came to me and asked if she could talk to me. I’ve known her for several years and we’ve built a good relationship. She asked me what my opinion was on taking birth control – for reasons other than not getting pregnant. She caught me completely off guard with the question, but wow, God really knows what He’s doing, she certainly came to the right person to talk about this. I told her that I had been on birth control when I was in high school too. I explained to her what PCOS is and that I was on birth control to regulate my periods. She told me she has very heavy and painful periods and was put on birth control to help with it – and it is helping. She’s not sexually active and her parents, obviously, have no problem with her taking it to help with these issues. Apparently someone else she’s close to, who is like a second mother figure to her, is giving her a hard time about taking it. I told her that this woman has obviously never had to deal with the things that we’re dealing with. I said, I think it’s totally fine, in fact, I did it too! I said if you and your parents are comfortable with it, then I see no problem, ignore this woman and don’t let her make you feel bad. She proceeds to then say something to the effect of, “I’m just scared that when I am ready to have children I won’t be able to.” Again, caught completely off guard, when she uttered those words I lost it. I started bawling my eyes out, all the emotions and pain I had been holding in all week came flying out. This poor girl just stared at me, like a deer in headlights, having no idea what she had just done. She started apologizing – for what she had no idea haha. So I had to tell her. I asked her not to say anything to anyone, but I told her that that’s what I’m going through right now. I shared some more with her and then changed the conversation back to her situation. It just breaks my heart that this 18 year old girl, who is not sexually active, who has big plans to go to college, travel to different countries to do missionary work, who has no plans of getting married or starting a family any time soon, is concerned about not being able to have children. I assured her that taking birth control should not cause her to not be able to have children. I was a little concerned about the heavy/painful periods though. I asked her if she had a diagnosis or had been to an endocrinologist. She said no. I didn’t say this to her because I didn’t want to scare her, but my first thought was I wonder if she has endometriosis. Atleast she knows she can come to me about all of this now. It’s amazing how things like that work out sometimes.

I came back to work on Tuesday. I’m all caught up and ready to get out of here again! We leave tomorrow to head to the beach for the next week! It should be a great and relaxing time after a long, exhausting week at camp. We’ve rented a huge house and will be there with my parents, aunt, uncle and cousins. I can’t wait to get there tomorrow!

Today is day 35 of my cycle. Normally I would be super antsy about my period coming, but right now I’m praying it doesn’t come (at all and I’m pregnant!!!) until after we’re back from vacation. If it comes while we’re on vacation I’ll be waiting another cycle to go back to the doctor. I’m ready to start treatments again! Let’s get this party started, again. Fingers crossed my period waits another week… or that it doesn’t come at all for a very awesome reason. Hopefully I’ll be able to catch up on my blog reading while we’re at the beach, I am waaaaay behind after being away last week! Hope everyone is well and has a great weekend!

Back to Reality.

Well, the party is over, once again. We had a fantastic mini-vaca while it lasted though! The weather totally and completely sucked. It rained most of the time we were at the shore. We finally got to hit the beach Saturday morning and after a couple hours of on and off light rain it started to rain a little bit harder and didn’t want to stop. So we ended up heading back to the car and just decided to leave – several hours earlier than we had planned, but oh well. We still had a great time, it was so nice to get away from everything and everyone. But now it’s back to reality and I’m over it already haha.

I only went to acupuncture once last week because of our trip, so I figured she was going to have a field day with me today. It actually was a very good session. She told me that my pulse seemed better, more balanced, especially my kidney pulse. Looking back at my file, she said she’s only seen me with this type of pulse once before – about a week before I got my period. When she put the needles in my back, she noted that she wasn’t going to put them below my belly button, “just in case.” I’m not sure what that means, but I’ll take it as a good sign. I was very relaxed and I think I fell asleep for a second a couple times. At the end she took my pulse again and seemed quite pleased. I asked her if this meant that my period is coming (today is cycle day 29), she said she wasn’t sure, it could just mean that I’m getting better, that we’re making progress. I had given her my empty herb container at the beginning and she then told me at the end that she wasn’t going to give me more herbs, because she would rather be cautious. Again, not sure what that means, but I’m cool with not taking the herbs for a few more days haha. I’m trying not to get too excited because I feel like this has happened a few times – she seems pleased that my body is doing better and then at the next session, we’re back where we started. So yeah, trying to take everything with a grain of salt, but I’m hopeful that we’re headed in the right direction.

On a completely different note… My husband has decided that he wants to leave his family’s business. It’s a long story, but basically he has been running this small family business since he graduated college. Several times he’s come to me to talk about all the things he doesn’t like about working for the company, including, but not limited to the fact that he’s in charge, but really only on paper, mom and dad still call the shots and without consulting him a lot of times. Anyway, we’ve been through these discussions a lot, but when he came to talk to me about this last week, I was in shock, that he was dead serious and ready to have “the talk” with his parents. Well, he had that talk today. As I suspected, he thinks they were really in shock, they were trying to talk him out of it and they think he’s crazy for wanting to work for someone else. What really made me sad was that he then told his (younger) brother – who got really upset. Sooo, I’m sure there will be much more to come, but for now, if you could say a prayer and/or send some good vibes to us, that we’ll/he’ll be led where we/he should be. This whole thing is very hard and scary – for both of us. I’m trying so hard to be his rock and tell him that everything is going to turn out awesome, but I’m just as, if not more, scared than he is. But I support him and this is what he wants and we’ll make it work. I truly believe we’re working towards my/our aforementioned goal. I’m just praying that God will lead us where he wants us, this has to be all part of the greater plan!

And the Bad News Just Keeps Coming…

I’m struggling. I’m seriously struggling. I’ve been doing so well for so long and I fear I’m slipping away again. I’m losing faith, I’m losing hope.

Went to the doctor this morning for my baseline ultrasound. There’s a cyst, probably leftover from the stimulation of the last cycle. From having this happen back in the fall, I knew all too well what that meant – nothing happens this month. I started crying right there on the ultrasound table. I cried in the bathroom changing. I cried getting my blood drawn. I cried waiting to go back to talk to the nurse. I cried the entire half an hour we talked with the nurse. I cried and cried and cried. I’m falling apart.

I’m trying so hard to grasp on to my faith, instead I just want to say over and over again, why God? WHY? Why me? Why is this taking so long? Why is all our money disappearing? Is this not meant to be? Are we really not supposed to have children? Why are women, who should never be mothers, able to get pregnant without even trying – multiple times, but those who want nothing more and would be wonderful mothers just can’t. Why is the world so unfair? I feel like I have learned a lot along this journey so far, maybe God just has more for me to learn, more to show me. But I’m not sure how much more I can take. I feel like I should be throwing myself into my faith right now, reading, learning, praying, clinging, but I just feel so lost. I feel so distant. I don’t even want to go to church anymore because there are babies and kids and happy people everywhere. This is killing me.

I don’t know what to do. I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for the rest of my life.

I’d appreciate any and all prayers you may have to offer for me.

Is it summer yet?

Started injectables (Follistim with TI) round 4 this past Thursday. I had a super busy weekend, which was really nice, kept me from obsessing over everything. The only minor hiccup, which really turned out fine, not much of a hiccup, was that while we were at a huge fundraising event on Sunday, I had to give myself my shot… I did so while I was in line to get my picture taken with a pro athlete hahaha. My husband kept telling me to run to the bathroom, but I wasn’t taking any chances and gave myself the shot very discreetly, if I do say so myself.

Had an appointment for an ultrasound and blood work Monday morning. Two measurable follicles! Both 11mm and we were very happy with that, I think this is the earliest we’ve had any measurable, so that was exciting. I’d also like to note that both of these follicles are on the RIGHT, which is worth mentioning because the cyst I just had removed and the previous two cycles all happened on the LEFT. Naturally. Isn’t life funny? Anyway… got a call with the blood work results and my estradiol was only 43. 😦 They didn’t seem too concerned about it, but decided to up my dose to try and jumpstart that.

When we met with the nurse after my ultrasound she said that they should see me back on Wednesday or Thursday, we requested Thursday because there was rumor of a big snow storm coming Wednesday. Well, now I’m second guessing that decision… Oy. I’ve heard conflicting forecasts, but it sounds like there is potential for a lot of snow after midnight tonight through Thursday morning. So I guess I’m kind of screwed either way. Ahhhhh! Normally I’m all about getting a big snow storm (and hopefully a snow day off of work!), but now I’m really worried about having to travel almost an hour for this appointment in the snow. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what happens, but we WILL make it there on Thursday morning!!

I’m also a little concerned because I’m not feeling awesome today. I really hope I’m not getting sick and that if I am, that it doesn’t affect things for this cycle. Crossing my fingers and saying prayers that a nap will help me fight off whatever I’m starting to feel, that the follicles are growing like crazy, my estradiol is going way up and that we can make it to there Thursday without any weather issues. Seriously though, is it summer yet?

Bye Bye Evil Arvin!

So yesterday was the big day, I had my surgery! I’ve been quite comfortable in my bed for the past 24 hours having my husband waiting on me.

Somehow I managed to not get sick before this surgery. I don’t know how, by the grace of God. If you said a prayer for me, I can’t thank you enough. EVERYONE is sick and I was so scared to attend the one public event I had to be at over the weekend. I decided to be totally ridiculous and wear a dust mask to try to keep the germs away and/or give the illusion that I was sick so that people would not want to come near me. So this is what I looked like all night.

It was a sports themed banquet by the way and I was the emcee, which is why I’m wearing a referee shirt, clever, eh? And don’t mind the dorks behind me.

Anyway, moving on, I did not sleep well on Monday night and woke up feeling very anxious on Tuesday. Luckily, I kept busy at work and the day moved pretty quickly. When I got home I tried to clean the house and make sure everything was in order so that I could just relax and not worry about anything during my recovery time. I didn’t have a hard time getting to sleep Tuesday night but I kept waking up and once I finally fell into a deep sleep my alarm went off at 5:30am. I got up, got ready and we were out the door around 6am. Got to the surgery center a little before 7am. That place was wonderful. We have nothing but great things to say about our experience there. The building is beautiful and super clean and the entire staff was wonderful. Got myself checked in and sat around for a few minutes before they took us back to the pre-op area. Took my blood pressure and temperature, asked some questions and then I changed into my gown and robe, got to keep my big, fuzzy socks on so I was excited about that. It’s the little things. It was time to head back to the operating room, so I kissed my hubby goodbye and as he headed back to the waiting room I headed to the operating room. Laid down on the table, waited a minute, answered a couple more questions and the last thing I remember before passing out was them putting the mask over my nose and mouth and feeling this weird pain in my left arm. Still not sure what that was about, it really hurt and then I was out.

When I woke up they were getting ready to wheel me out of the room and they took me to the recovery area. My mouth was so dry and felt so nasty. They put me in the recovery area and it felt like forever before someone came back to see me (it was probably like 5 minutes max, probably less). Finally someone came over and asked me if I wanted a drink or ice and I said yes, please! She brought me ice, which had never felt so good in my mouth and then I said, “Can I have my Matt?” I think the only thing I wanted more than a drink was my husband. J A minute later there he was with me. Cathy, my wonderful post-op lady, asked me if I wanted a drink and snack. I ended up with some Pepsi and cookies. Matt kept trying to force feed me cookies, but my mouth was so dry, all I wanted was liquid. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that they would put a tube down my throat so I was so confused as to why my mouth was so messed up haha.

My doctor came over a few minutes later and went over everything with us and showed us pictures! I’m like obsessed with these pictures haha. They’re so gross, but so fascinating to me. I need to scan them and then I’ll post some. Anyway, Dr. M seemed quite pleased with everything. He said this surgery definitely needed to be done and everything went very smoothly. Arvin (my cyst, who we named after Arvin Sloane from the TV show Alias that we’re currently watching) was definitely causing problems. I was still very out of it at this point so I can’t remember details very clearly, I’m not sure if Arvin ended up being larger than we realized or if it was just the position of it that was more troublesome than we realized, but it definitely needed to be removed. They also removed a much smaller additional cyst. No endometriosis or anything else though. The only other thing is that my uterine lining is a little inflamed. We’ll have to wait about a week to get results back on that, but hopefully that’s something that can simply be fixed with an antibiotic. And with that we were done, Dr. M took off, we finished up, I got dressed and they wheeled me down to the car.

I got home and went right up to bed, slept for a couple hours and then although I wanted to sleep some more I couldn’t because I had to go to the bathroom very three minutes but couldn’t really go. Man, now I know what it must be like to be pregnant and have to pee tiny amounts all the time. I wasn’t expecting that at all, super annoying but that seems to have subsided now. My throat was very sore yesterday from the tube being down it, but that’s feeling better today too. My incision sites are still very sore. Very sore. My husband went to put his arm around my stomach just a few minutes ago and I screamed and he was all like “what???” What do you mean what?? Haha. Other than that I’m feeling pretty good. Still moving slowly and obviously sore in my abdomen, but overall feeling pretty good. Glad to be staying put in my bedroom for a few days away from the deep freeze that’s happening outside!

I’m excited that this is over and we’re in the recovery phase and hopefully things can move forward again next month! I need to call and make my post-op appointment today, I think I’ll do that now and then resume my TV marathon… or maybe take a nap.