Ugh. I’ve been doing so well. But the past few days have been a little rough. It all started last week when I got a call from a friend announcing her second pregnancy. A few days later while playing on Babybook, there was another one. This time Matt’s friends from high school are pregnant… again. My heart just sank. When will it be our turn? Then the next day I had a meltdown. This will probably sound stupid, but it all stemmed from trying to make plans with my two best friends from high school. We’ve been trying to make plans for the three of us to get together for weeks. Every time we thought we had a date something else would come up and screw things up. Well, once again, for like the millionth time, on Sunday I get a series of emails that the latest date isn’t ideal because blah blah blah kids. And like, I get it, I have absolutely no idea what it’s like to plan around kids, but at the same time, they have no idea what it’s like to be dealing with something like this. I know it’s not the intent, but it’s just been kids thrown in my face this entire mess. I’m like, I don’t even wanna freakin get together anymore, just forget it, this is way too painful, it’s not even worth it. My husband walked in after I had read an email and he said what’s wrong??? And I just started crying. Ugh. I’d been doing so well, I couldn’t even tell you the last time I cried before then. Ahhhhh. Oh well, we’re still getting together, just later in the day than planned.
So I’ve been having a rough few days and then the icing on the cake came just a couple hours ago. Again, scrolling through freakin Facebook what do I see but a picture of a newborn baby girl, born just this morning to my ex…. Well, not technically my ex, we were never anything official, but we might as well have been. I didn’t even know that they were pregnant – again. UGH. If there is a silver lining to this it’s that for like ten years now I’ve thought about how I wanted him to have a daughter. A daughter to fall head over heels in love with and to want to protect forever. A daughter that he would realize no man should ever treat her the way he treated me all those years. It’s a stretch, but that’s my silver lining.
On top of all this, I’m in the midst of trying to book a house at the shore for us and my extended family. We finally found the perfect house for the 11 of us and by some miracle it’s still available the only week of the summer we are all able to make it work. I spoke to the owner this morning and have been trying to email him information since to make it official. We’re having email issues as I have not heard back from him and tried to email him again only to have it kicked back to me. So I’m freaking out about this too.
I’m having a rough day. I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself. I hope tomorrow will be a new day with a new outlook. I hate feeling this way. I’m anxious to get back to the doctor next week. I think part of my blah-ness is also due to the fact that there’s nothing going on again. For a few months there I was constantly focusing on what’s next in treatments, everything just kept moving and it was great for me. Now that I’ve had this surgery (which is great!) and am pretty much fully healed from this surgery, I’m feeling good and ready to go again. I hate waiting around for my period to come… or not come and then have to waste more time with Provera. We’ll see what happens at the doc next Thursday. In the meantime, atleast The Bachelor starts in a couple minutes, that should take my mind off things for a couple hours atleast.